Some terms and concepts that come up when exploring family dynamics are usually left unexplored, but they profoundly affect the lives of people within the family network. One of these is the 'glass child.' A glass child is a sibling or child of someone who has a significant disability, chronic illness, or other condition that requires a great deal of parental attention and care.
The term "glass" metaphorically captures two contrasting ideas:
Often, these children are 'seen through,' i.e. their needs and emotions are unnoticed
It’s how they’re perceived: as resilient yet fragile children who can carry the emotional load of their one-of-a-kind family situation.
This article explores what it means to be a glass child, their challenges, their unique strengths, and how families and society can better support their well-being.
The History of the Term 'Glass Child'
Alicia Arenas, a speaker and consultant, advocates that her experiences as a sibling of someone with special needs are how the term 'glass child' became known. In her TEDx talk, she explained how glass children feel invisible or overlooked because their other children or family members have a disability. The word "glass" symbolises the duality of their experience: they may feel transparent and look fine on the surface but have unspoken struggles inside. Although the term is not a clinical diagnosis, it captures a shared emotional experience of many siblings raised by families in which a child’s needs eclipse those of others.
Unique Challenges of the Glass Child
Growing up as a glass child can be challenging, affecting their emotional and psychological development. It may make the child feel invisible, that they are on their own, and that they are responsible for everyone else in the family network.
Emotional Invisibility
Glass children may often grow up feeling that their feelings and requirements are not as important as their siblings or parents. Usually, both their parents are trapped in caregiving roles, and they are often unable to pay much attention to the glass child’s emotional state. This frequently leads to:
Suppressed Emotions:
Glass children grow up to suppress their emotions; they do not think it is right to make demands or say what they want because it is perceived as being self-indulgent or attention-seeking.
Unrecognised Achievements:
Often their parents fail to give any recognition to their child's milestones and achievements, another pressure for them to feel invisible.
Heightened Responsibility
Glass children often take on caregiving roles or additional household responsibilities from an early age. While this can be interpreted as maturity and resilience, it may also create undue stress, which may often lead to:
Parentification:
When the child is expected to act as a caregiver or emotional support system for their sibling or parents.
Pressure to Be "Perfect":
Avoiding being a burden, causing problems or adding to the family’s stress may often be used, leading to a perfectionist mentality or anxiety.
Social Isolation
Being able to relate to their peers and their family dynamics can be difficult, leading to them experiencing a sense of loneliness.
They can:
Experience difficulties when asked to explain their family dynamics to others.
Frequently miss out on social events due to their family caretaking responsibilities.
Experience feelings of exclusion when attention is predominantly directed at their sibling.
The Strengths of Glass Children
Having experienced some of these challenges, these children often develop remarkable strengths and qualities that will continue to serve them well into their adult lives.
These can include:
1. Empathy and Compassion
They often develop strong empathetic personalities toward others because they grew up seeing their siblings or parents struggle. This may not necessarily be restricted to their families, but more often than not, they become very sensitive to others’ feelings and/or demands.
2. Resilience
It can be observed that the complex family relations can help a child learn high levels of resilience most of the time. These children are especially endowed with the qualities of gradually adapting themselves to unfavourable circumstances, coping with stress and possessing ideas of how to get out of a tricky situation in one way or another.
3. Independence and Responsibility
Many glass children grow up with a strong sense of independence and responsibility. They often learn life skills early, such as cooking, cleaning, or organising, which can serve them well later in life.
4. Advocacy Skills
It is pretty standard for some glass children to become strong advocates for their siblings, using their intimate understanding of disability or illness to raise awareness and push for inclusivity.
The Emotional Toll: Long-Term Impacts
However, the strengths of glass children are noteworthy, and it must not be forgotten that these experiences result in a significant amount of emotional cost. Without proper support, these people can face long-term challenges, including:
Guilt:
For example, the child may develop guilt feelings because they feel that they have been given fewer difficulties than the sibling/parent, or competitiveness in the case the child feels jealous of the attention the sibling is given.
Burnout:
f a child experiences premature exposure to caregiving responsibilities, this can lead to emotional exhaustion later in life.
Difficulty Prioritising Self-Care:
The child may struggle to prioritise their own needs, having been conditioned to prioritise others.
Recognising and addressing some of these possible outcomes can safeguard the long-term well-being of these children.
How Families Can Support Glass Children
Parents and caregivers make the child feel safe and important. Here are some real-life tips that families can consider taking:
1. Acknowledge Their Experience
• Tell them that it is okay to have negative feelings and emotions.
• Let them feel that they are important by appreciating their big and small successes in life. Acknowledge their big and small achievements to ensure they experience feeling valued as an individual.
2. Create One-on-One Time
Create time to spend with the child, free from caregiving-related distractions.
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